juneballoon:

I’ve been doing too many things mindlessly, without a single rational thought. I’m so lost, I don’t even know where I’m supposed to start analyzing my situation. Why analyze at all? Why can’t I be happy with the natural flow of the course of my life? What am I in denial about? I’m too easily influenced and wavered in my morals. I hate it. Then, I feel the need to disassociate myself from the world and its reality, as if preoccupying my mind with thoughts of an ideal world somehow makes up for all this bullshit. My thoughts jump around endlessly, I’m unable to focus on a single aspect of my life long enough to perceive. I lost control of my being, somebody else is making these decisions for me. Somebody else is thinking for me, feeling for me, living for me. And I’m just a third-person spectator witnessing my stale life make no progress. Maybe even regress. I’m not happy nor sad. Just very, very confused.

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